Posted by: b1ueeyes | April 1, 2009

This is not a joke!

Ok, April 1st, but I do not have a joke or trying to trick anyone.

I love being here- I met an awesome guy, I have a home, a great job.
But.
My family and friends is where I left them. Sure, I call, sms, chatt and see them when I am there, but it really is not the same. I can not divide myself- but that would be a great ability. Why do I have to chose?

I miss having my friends near me- just meet up- take a coffee, go to eat, party, movie, a walk, go shopping, take the ferry, drive to Ikea.. I really can not do that here- it is not the same. Before I had many of my friends so close that I could either walk or drive to them. Just to be at my place- watch TV and not talk- and that is ok- just because we did not have anything to say. Or go out- dance, have fun, put on way to much make up.. Be hangover together. Be close.

But it is not like that here. I feel so lonely. I have my love which is great- but miss to be with just my friends- just be me- dorky, quiet or really annoying. I could be myself.

Here I feel that I am still struggling. I can not express myself in the same way- and sometimes I just feel like giving up. Why bother?

Hopefully I will be able to Sweden in the summer- meet my friends, go out, cook, talk, laugh.

Life is routine- same things- but I do not mean it as a bad thing- I like it. You that know me, can understand what I mean.

I have tried to meet people here- but as they do not really know the real me actually get shy- hide my real me. Silly me. How to get to know anyone- without giving form myself too? I need more time to find my way, find myself. In the meantime- I can only try. And do my best to be happy.

I would like to add that I miss my family and friends and hope to see you soon again!

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