Posted by: b1ueeyes | June 27, 2009

A lot of death now.

Many have disappeared lately, my grandmother, my boyfriends grandmother, several famous people and so on. All I see now is death. Almost everyday I read about someone new have gone away.

It makes me think of my own mortality, what will happen to me, how long I will be here and what it means to be alive. I am thinking of children. One child. My own? Do I have these thoughts for the right reasons or have they appeared in my desperation for something new or for selfish reasons like I do not want to be alone when I am older? How will I know?

Some things have appeared on the surface recently and I have problems dealing with this. It makes me very sad especially when this affect my dreams of starting a family. It is not impossible to solve but I had to sob and cry without control one evening. It may be all the events that are effecting me also. When is it enough?

Happy things at the moment:
-boyfriend,
-labello pearl & shine,
-jasmine tea,
-books.

Not happy things at the moment:
-lack of energy,
-bills,
-uncontrolled weight.

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